A few things I know about motivation.

Again and again people lament about not being able to find the motivation to do the things they want to do, or think they should be doing.

People often say things like, “I want to exercise more, but I’m just not motivated” or “I need to lose 10 pounds but I don’t have any motivation”.

Embedded in those thoughts and statements is the idea that motivation is this enigmatic thing, that it is either quality that resides within a person, or it is some ephemeral entity that visits people and pushes them along.

Well, I am happy to share with you that motivation is neither of these things. Motivation is simply something in your environment that evokes a particular response. For example, a whistling tea-kettle motivates you to turn off the stove. Being hungry (or your stomach growling) motivates you to find something to eat.

What’s great about knowing this is that now you can set-up your environment so that you take action toward your goals! A lot of people who want to lose weight put pictures of models and celebrities in places where they will often see them. I very much caution against this practice! I equally caution against placing your own “before” pictures on the fridge to stop you from reaching for snacks. Don’t put things around your environment that might lead you to criticize yourself, or make you feel like your goals are too big to conquer. That is the opposite of motivation.

Instead, put signals in your environment that remind you of the progress you are making, and that make you feel great about whatever stage in the journey you are at now.

For example, I may not be a 3-hour marathoner now, but that is my goal. So within my line of sight when I wake up in the morning is a collage of race bibs and photos from my best races so far. If I wake up and am having a hard time getting out of bed to go for a training run, that collage reminds me of how far I have already come, from running a 10 minute mile to under 7. That usually lifts my spirits, gets me excited about running, and before I can think anymore I am out of bed and lacing up my trainers. That, is motivation. A signal in my environment saying to me, “you can do it, go on, do it!”

Another common (misguided) practice in motivation is buying or keeping clothes that are too small. If your jeans don’t fit, or your clothes are uncomfortable, go get ones that fit! Buy clothing that makes you feel good, that feels good on you, and that you are not self-conscious about! Respect your body, LOVE your body. A great side-effect of this practice, rather than punishing your size 12 body with size 6 jeans, is that your overall stress level will be lower, because you aren’t constantly uncomfortable or thinking about how you need to lose weight. If you are less stressed, you’ll make better choices, and likely eat healthier, or less, or both. That is motivation!

*AB

Tenacity of spirit. Resolve (Remove head from arse).

About two weeks ago, for one of the first prompted journal entries of the healthy living journey my sister-in-law and I are hosting, was to list your positive qualities.

I spent that whole day thinking about what I would write down.

I only came up with one word:

Tenacious.

I can’t count anymore how many times someone has told me I am wrong, when I was certain I was right, that I would fail, when I knew that I couldn’t live if I didn’t try regardless of that certainty, that it was  a hopeless fight but I kept arguing, that I was going down the wrong path even though I was sure beyond a doubt that we were fixed on the same destination…

Lots of these occasions, I can admit, were mundane. But many were downright formative.

And tonight’s run was a perfect illustration of all that history.

I didn’t run this morning, I prefer to run before work, but decided to see what it would be like going into my office really early and thus get out early.

I’ve been having a rough week or so (I was shaken up pretty bad by the tragic death of a runner in Montana, cousin to a blogger that I adore), beginning with restless sleep and nightmares, some binge eating (pizza, oreo’s, you know, the typical go-to-fare), and some slacking off of my typical routine (house work? nah. Stretching? nope), the conclusion of which was feeling like a giant turd today (technical term).

This evening the weather is windy, snowy, slippery, and raw…so particularly smart, or safe, running condition by the lake. So I went to the gym to use a treadmill.

My schedule said 6 miles, here’s the garmin splits…which I will narrate below (cause it’s not pretty, but there’s a lesson there kids):

Split	Time	Distance	Avg Pace
Summary	54:08.8	6.14	8:50
1	9:31.8	1.00	9:32
2	9:59.3	1.00	9:59
3	10:20.1	1.00	10:20
4	8:21.6	1.00	8:22
5	7:31.4	1.00	7:31
6	6:58.0	1.00	6:58
7	1:26.6	0.14	10:33

Mile 1:  My body feels cumbersome, stiff, and resistant in general. I keep thinking about Sherry Arnold, and about how horrible a person I am for watching, and enjoying “Criminal Minds” and similar shows…I vow for the hundredth time this week to never watch it again. I think about using my next paycheck to buy pepper spray, a doberman, and kung-fu lessons. I feel like an idiot for thinking like that. Then think about how BAD running feels at that moment, and grieve for when it feels so perfect.

I stop running and stare at the blank monitor attached for the treadmill for about 2 minutes…then start up again.

Mile 2: I force my focus to my audio-book and get downright PISSED when the author, for the 4th time uses “autistic” as an adjective. I turned off my ipod in protest. Feel like an idiot. Realize my shoes are uncomfortable and get PISSED because for $120 these shoes should feel like f-ing satin sheets and worlds best relaxation massage…or like nothing at all, which would be preferable. Fume. Fume. Fume. Realize I have to pee, and am angry about that as well.

I stop again. Stretch, rather lamely. Get on a different treadmill. It’s broken. Get on yet a different treadmill. Go. Stop.

Decide to go home.

Remember I put $3 in the meter. Get mad about wasting money because my pennies are rubbing together pretty hard. Go again. Stop. Fuss with my shoes. Go. Again.

Mile 3: I mother-f-ing-hate-running-and-I hate-you-super-fast-and-beautiful-woman-on-the-machine-next-to-me-and-I-especially-hate-you-for-watching-teen-mom-2-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you?!?!?!? Then, I immediately feel remorse for thinking like a such a judgmental and self-deprecating A-hole. I decide that if I can just finish 3 miles, then that is good enough, and I can just go home and finish the oreo’s because I didn’t throw them away on Sunday against my better judgment.

I make it to the 3 mile mark. Go to the locker room. Pee. Walk in circles. Sit down. I don’t like not making my mileage goals. My body feels off, but I begin to recognize that it’s because 1) I ate like a pig all weekend 2) My period just started 3) I have been self-taking like I want to de-rail myself, and 4) I wasn’t trying.

So I decide I should try.

And if I am going to try, I might as well DO.

You know, like Yoda says.

So, I start walking back up to the cardio floor, chin up like I haven’t already just been there. I step onto my 4th treadmill of the run attempt and picture what it will look like, and feel like to run a 3hr15min marathon.

Mile 4: I cue up one of my favorite Spin Class playlists and keep thinking about running a 3:15 marathon. And, I think about seeing my nephew for his 5th birthday in just a month, and going for a long run in nice weather while I am there. I think about running Boston in April, I day-dream about hitting 3:15 then.

Mile 5: I begin thinking I am capable of that 3:15. And I hang onto that thought like it is life itself. I stop attending at all to the other people around me (sardines…it’s still January, afterall)

Mile 6: My head is finally coming out of my ass, and I am feeling just a bit like myself again, like the person I am trying to be, the effective, capable, and strong person I know I am, even if I backslide now and them. And so I go for it, because every mile counts!

Mile 7: this split is there because I forgot to hit “stop” and walked down the stairs.

In the end, I salvaged my run and was reminded that I might not be able to come up with a long list of things I am proud to say I am, but what I do come up with is accurate.

And above all my faults, I am tenacious.

*AB

Countdown!!!

As you’ve seen I have already been counting down to the Boston Marathon for 13 weeks. Today I am feeling a bit more legitimized because there are only 100 days to go!

I was going to celebrate this fact with a 10 mile run before work this morning, but I overslept…by 2 hours!

Looks like the excitement of starting my new job yesterday wore me out!

My office is in a building that used to be a chapel so there are neat details like this:

And this:

Also neat is that I have a full sized desk! A detail that was frustrating at my last job:

…still need to settle in.

A last detail that surpasses neat and goes straight to amazing is that it’s a dog friendly environment! Today this little girl kept us company:

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

If your answer was “annabelle should get a Weimaraner to train as a therapy/runner dog!” then we are on the same page.

Happy 100 days left to train!

*AB

The answer to resolutions? Annabelle and Teresa, of course (an invitation).

Hey there!

Where do you think you're going?

Tomorrow, Teresa and I are starting up another round of our holistic-healthy-living-email-chain (which doesn’t have an official name…it’s still a baby). Let me know if you are interested, and we’ll include you in the welcome email going out tomorrow (it’s ok to join in late)! As before, you can participate as much or as little as you want/need, and you can set your own goals, we’re just there to shape, share, and support.

We’ll be providing some daily and weekly goals and challenges, as well as trying to keep things organized and helpful.

We did a round between Thanksgiving and Christmas, which I mentioned, subtly, here. It turned out to be an incredible experience. I was very pleasantly surprised at how open-minded, supportive, caring, and genuine everyone was!

Some great issues were raised and discussed, tips were shared, and progress toward personal goals was made.

So, if you would like to join us, either leave a comment below that includes your preferred email address, or send me a message privately at annabellewinters@me.com

Happy New Year!

-AB

Beards a go.

Lucy was not-so-patiently waiting for me to throw her soccer ball.

• As it happens, I have the right bone structure to support a nice beard.
• I also am very comfortable wearing a beard and a skirt, at the same time.
• Theme races and running in costume make me happy.
• 5k of 5,000 runners in Santa hats and beards tomorrow morning will be entertaining.
• Me running alone, for the 4 miles to the race, and the 4 miles home, in the above get-up, will hopefully make other people happy, or concerned.
• I love to itemize, especially with bullets.
• Week one of the junk free hollydays did not go so well for me. I feel pretty sick actually. BooHooBuckets.
• I missed a 8mile training run and feel guilty, but I was soooooo sleepy. “buckets of rain, buckets of tears…”
• Had a total of about 8 failures this week, maybe more. “life is sad, life is a bust. All ya can do is do what you must.”
• It’s never to late to start fresh. Starting, now! “you do what you must do and ya do it well”
• Apologies. I am not sure why I am spouting Dylan lyrics.
• Tonight I will succeed in some R&R.

 

True to disorganized form, I am reading 7 books right now. I borrowed this one from a co-worker, and it has become the top priority on my list.

-AB

Carrera De Los Muertos! (also, a rookie and a PR)

This morning I ran “UNO 5k, Carrera De Los Muertos”. My friends/colleagues Jessie and Ken ran as well. Ken is a seasoned runner, and this was Jessie’s first race! She did fantastic! She’s been running for less than 3 months and she finished in 34 minutes! Not only that, but she finished with a smile.

Ken, Jessie, Annabelle (it's ok, I am used to looking a little ridiculous). Pre-race.

I had a good run as well. I finished with a new personal record of 20:31, which is an improvement of only one single second. But a second counts and I will take it. I finished first in my age division, 6th female, and 60th overall. I haven’t won a lot of medals (finishers medal’s not withstanding), so I get really excited when I place. Today’s awards were better than medals, they were skulls painted by students in the UNO charter school network!

A skull to commemorate the joy of running, and the importance of athletic and academic after school programs for the kiddos!

There were pretty amazing kids all over the place; dancing, running, working support for race operations, singing and performing on the course, it was absolutely inspiring!

The race today was a fundraiser for after school programming. UNO Charter School Network operates 11 charter schools in Chicago that serve mostly Hispanic youth.  And I have to say, I got the impression today that they are doing a pretty good job.

I had an 8-miler scheduled for training today and had planned to do 5 mile run this after noon to hit my mileage for the week. However, after I got home from the 5k I was really tired, I took and nap and it was clear when I woke up that I needed to rest. So, I didn’t run more. Perhaps I will run tomorrow, but maybe not. We’ll see. Right now, I am going to snuggle with my fluffy pups and watch a scary movie.

I hope you have a great Saturday!

-AB

Did someone say snuggle?

A (mini) lesson in perserverance

What have I learned this week?

I have learned that:

1) People ARE listening, they just might not know how to respond.

2) Be aware of your limits, know you resources. If you aren’t helping, step back, or you might end up hindering.

As you may have picked up in some previous posts this week, I haven’t  exactly been hitting home runs this week. A colitis flare-up, skipping workouts, a roller-coaster at work (which is usually part of why I love my job)…the thing is, it’s a fine line between the hilly terrain making gleeful butterflies in your stomach and making you feel downright nauseous.

I got up this morning still feeling sick, absolutely in a thank-godness-it’s-Friday mood. But my attitude totally turned around when there was this email from my boss (posted with permission) to the crisis team:

“I wanted to sincerely thank each of you for the beautiful  mums and thoughts on Bosses Day.  Between your generosity and kindness on my birthday and again for  Bosses Day, you guys really make me feel special and appreciated.  I cannot tell you how much I enjoy working with each one of you individually and as a team.  Not a day goes by that I am not impressed with your commitment, hard work, and total dedication to advocating for the people we are serving.  I am very proud of our team and I KNOW we are making a difference out there.

I absolutely love to sit back and watch you interact with one another, rely on one another, consult with one another, confide in one another, and support one another.  Each one of you is unique, gifted, and dedicated.  To
see you blend as a team and accomplish what you do on a daily basis is amazing – just like you.

And no – I haven’t been drinking!”

As you might imagine, working as part of a crisis intervention team can be a little chaotic, we’re all busy, and a little unpredictable, and it’s often hard to tell if you are making progress. But we’re also all very passionate about what we’re working toward, which brings me to the biggest lessons of the week:

3) Above all else, be an advocate!

4) Do not give up on your dreams! No matter how idealized your vision is; whether to run an ultra-marathon, achieve a world free of forced labor (please, click through that link), stop global warming, erradicate hate, de-stigmatize mental illness, or to simply live simply, DON’T GIVE UP! Break that vision down into steps, and keep walking! Even on the worst day, you can make with forward progress.

Before I go, I want share an inspiration with you all, my friend and fellow spinning instructor, David, auditioned to be an instructor for the Chicago Athletic Clubs with the same group I did back in 2006. We are the only survivors of that group! Our friendship is mostly virtual, as many are these days, but occasionally we cross over into each others classes, or need a favor (it happens, I have a pick-up truck after all). Even so, David is always the first to respond when someone (me) has a bad day, needs advice (or a last minute substitute for class), he is the first to complement when someone (me) is being overly self-critical, and the first to subtly bring a jackass (also me) back to earth.  Traci Mitchell wrote a profile of David on her blog today. Please, check it out!

David Allen

-AB

Aloof

This has been a strange week. I am really glad that tomorrow is Friday! I am going to sleep in on Saturday, and then very much enjoy a long slow run, whilst listening to “The Magicians” audiobook , then, I am going to eat lots of fruit and snuggle with my dogs. There, it’s on the internet, so it has to happen.

I say the week is strange because it has gone by shockingly fast, but mostly in a fog. I am so tired! There really isn’t a stand out reason I should be so tired, but it’s probably that I am not fueling properly. I mentioned cravings in my last post. Those are gone, but I haven’t been eating very balanced and it’s so easy to take for granted how important good nutrition is when you are both increasing training volume and are away from home for very long days.

One of my friends and co-workers made a comment today while we were on a very, very, very long car ride and listening to lots, and lots, and lots of NPR. She said “the more I learn about the world, the more I hate it.” She and I talk a lot about how the population we work with are stripped of many of their human rights by virtue of having disabilities, and how the system largely works against them.  This week, I have had a really hard time not hating the world for all of the injustice and pain people cause one another, often by simply not listening. I have been frustrated that for all of the listening I try to do, I have very few solutions. I absolutely love my job, and I feel like at several levels, we are making a difference. That said, sometimes I feel like I spend the majority of my time these days arguing for things that should be a given.

But I digress.

I have hit all of my training goals so far this week, and that feels good! Almost no matter how tired or frustrated I am, a work (even a less than par one) leaves me refreshed enough to be glad I did it. It occurred to me during my run on Tuesday morning that running really doesn’t relieve stress for me. Mostly because while I run I am usually thinking about whatever is bothering me most, or a problem that needs solving. I don’t use a ipod or anything on a.m. run (safety first!), so there is lots of space (er, brain cells) for reflection.

I don’t very often come to conclusions during these times, but do get a sense of having accomplished something other than the run, even if that something is a snarky on-liner to deliver later in the day.

Well, this post has really devolved from it’s original intent, which was to share with you all the following, which my sister-in-law shared with me last week”

Here’s to finishing the week strong!

-AB

There is always something that gets in the way…

…so focus what you get done in spite of that.

A while ago, mid hiatus, I attempted to do a raw food cleanse along with my sister-in-law (yes, “cleanse” is a myth, however, eating clean is great for you regardless of the label you give it) . I was surprised at how much I learned from the experience . One such kernel, which echoes in my mind everyday now, is this: even if you did things wrong today, or slacked off, or misunderstood; focus on what you did right, what you learned, and what you accomplished, then move on (that last bit I added myself, ain’t I clever?)

I think the example used in the cleanse program was something like, even if you skipped todays workout and ate cookies, give yourself credit for taking the stairs and eating an apple, or some such thing.

One of the reasons this sentiment really resonates with me is that it perfectly aligns with some of the principles of ABA (applied behavior analysis, for those of you new to this blog). Nearly everyday at my job I teach people how to notice and praise the things they see others doing RIGHT, whilst offering support and forgiveness for the things that they do wrong. It can change the world, it really can. It can also make you happier, more productive, and yes, fitter.

With that introduction, I went into this week extremely excited to get a baseline measure of my mileage, my body composition, and my overall routine before finishing writing my training plan for Boston. In the end I only ran 3 times this week for a total of approximately (my Nike+ broke) 13 miles. I only lifted weights twice.

Why? I have a cold, the kind that builds and builds and you anticipate every additional symptom because we’ve all been here before. The common cold, is commonly annoying.

I felt not-sick-at-all on Tuesday, then, as I was driving back to my office from visiting a client, at about 12:15pm, I was, very suddenly, sick. It was that raw, almost tickling, sensation you get in your throat a day or two before the common cold renders you a common snot-sack.

Yah, so that was Tuesday, Wednesday  had a very sore, post-nasaly throat and no less than 4 bouts of dry-heaves whilst teaching a spin class (I don’t think anyone noticed). Thursday, I went home at about 1pm from work, feeling pretty sorry for myself, I slept a lot. Friday was meh, I was congested but busy enough that the day flew by. Saturday, oh Saturday, brought more congestion, lots of snot, and a fever. Before the fever came on, I went for a very common run, I ran for exactly an hour and listened to an audiobook, I was slow, but it was a great escape because the common cold is even slower.

I slept  11 hours, and used nearly an entire roll of toilet paper for my nose. yum. I got up and taught my usual group exercise classes today, then came home, took a 3 hour nap, and returned to the gym to teach another 30 minutes.

I made rice (sticky white: a common comfort), chicken breast, and baked beans for dinner. No flair, very common. I am uncommonly excited to eat it (and watch IRT Deadliest Roads).

So, in the end, this week was not as I hoped, or planned, but I still did enough to feel that I am on track

AB

P.S. I want to shout out to my friend Shelly (who has an inspired, and inspiring blog). She has absolutely transformed her lifestyle and I am so proud! Also, she ran the Chicago Marathon today and took 30 (ahem’ 36) minutes off her previous time!

A lesson in mindful measurement.

It occurred to me this week that in order to get into a steady training routine that will be consistent, rehabilitative, fat burning, mood enhancing, and also provide a strong foundation to begin a new round of marathon training in late May or early June, I need set up an environment that supports enjoying exercise and training. I have been speeding along in the wrong direction and am looking for a U-turn permitted sign.

When working out, I usually try to maintain a focus on my body, the in-session goals, and my performance. I typically do not employ distraction techniques unless I am really crunched for time and need to multitask during cardio (usually this involves reading articles for school). In which case I usually use a gym-boss to keep my intensity high (it vibrates every 2 minutes and I check and correct my performance, based on HR).

This morning I decided to set no workout session goals other than to enjoy the act of moving, sweating, and breathing. I cued up “Stranger Than Fiction” on my DVR and hopped on my spin bike. While watching the movie I rode for about 30mins, then did 12 sets of lower body exercises, got back on the bike for another 25 or 40 minutes, then did a short core circuit, then stretched as the movie finished.

I did indeed use my HR monitor, but my target was to stay BELOW 145 bpm. Typically my goal is to warm up in the 130’s, then remain ABOVE 145 for the duration of the session. My calorie burn for 90 minutes of activity was 550. In a typical spin class (50mins) I burn around 500. So in term of efficiency, this would be a terrible workout. But, I enjoyed myself. I feel refreshed, and I am looking forward to the next time I can workout again.

Can you really ask for more?

clicking the image will take you to amazon.com (I am not affiliated)

The idea to maintain an element of joy in training is not something that struck me from nowhere. I began reading Ryan Hall’s book about 5 weeks ago but stopped about half way through and likely won’t finish it (exuberant religiousity really turns me away). His main point is that to be successful an element of pleasure (joy) and passion is crucial and fundamental. I recommend the book, and I admire the work he and his wife are doing to supply clean water sources to those who lack access.

The lesson I would like to share with you all is that selecting when to focus on a particular goal is an underestimated element of success. There is a time to focus on strength and power, on speed, on form and accuracy, on weight loss, on further goal setting, on intensity, and there is a time to focus on the moment and yourself and on the joy of action. The pleasure of having a body that can do so many different things, and a mind that can wander or be wholly present, and that can create.

For the past year I have been working on creating systematic ways to help people select what to measure and how to measure it in their fitness and healthy living programs. My own experience today only further encourages my drive to continue working toward my dream of opening and operating a behavior analytic training facility. Because without that perspective I would never have realized that for the last three weeks I have been selecting the wrong measures. I have been under the impression that I was failing because I was gaining some weight back and losing fitness and motivation, but what I was gaining and should be measuring is a renewal in my love of sport, my love of working out, the joy of movement, and that my injured foot is growing stronger each day, even if I am not able to plug high mileage numbers into my charts.

Running in the woods always makes me smile, so as soon as my foot is strong enough I am going to sign up for some of the Chicago Trail Series races. Is there an exercise that brings you joy?

-AB